one sweet day
by tragicomedy
Summary: To love somebody and not know they love you back hurts. To love somebody without them knowing and losing them hurts even more. HH Oneshot!


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ONE SWEET DAY

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A/N: Don't mind me, I came up with this while I was roasting in a car. I don't like doing death fics but this song is so good and I thought it'd make a good fic. Might just be me though!

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Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. The song belongs to… well, I guess Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey (maybe they wrote it as well) and the characters and stuff belongs to J.K. Rowling.

~*~

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Sorry I never told you

All I wanted to say

And now it's too late to hold you

'Cause you've flown away

So far away 

The soft, warm breeze lightly whipped her hair about her face and into her tear-filled eyes. She didn't seem to notice though, her eyes were staring blankly ahead, the warm tears sliding silently down her face, leaving a salty trail.

In actual fact, she should be absolutely delighted today. Finally, she was graduating from her 'home' of seven years, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry but today didn't make her happy at all.

She was graduating without her best friends with her.

Voldemort had risen at the end of her fourth year and every year, she lost someone more and more dear to her. He wouldn't notice how she felt, of course. She was just a Mudblood to him, a mere ant to be squished by his wrath later.

No, it was Harry he cared about. Harry Potter.

Even the thought of his name created more tears and her heart seemed to pound even more painfully against her chest.

He was The-Boy-Who-Lived. He was the boy with a lightning bolt scar on his forehead. He was the owner of the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen.

He was her very best friend.

But he meant even more than that to her. She had never told anyone how she really felt about him, especially not him and that was her deepest regret.

She had loved him more than anything and she'd never said a word.

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Never had I imagined

Living without your smile

Feeling and knowing you hear me

It keeps me alive

Alive

The love had crept up on her, very slowly but ever since she'd known _him_, Harry and not the famous Harry Potter, she'd fallen in love with him. It finally hit her in their fifth year, after Hagrid had died. She had spent most of her time trying to bring Harry back from his inner hell, from his own thoughts and then, then she had realised how much he meant to her.

As soon as the deaths slowly began to creep closer and closer to Harry's heart, Harry was one of the most depressed people in Hogwarts. While Hermione usually holed herself up in the library, Harry had almost begun to overtake her, spending his spare time looking up complicated and dangerous spells.

Most people in Hogwarts were worried about him. If Harry Potter caved in to insanity or depression, who'd be their hero? Who'd save them all from Voldemort?

Hermione's mouth pulled itself into an angry frown as she reminisced about how people had acted. They were so superficial and selfish. They only cared about the danger to them. They didn't care about how much Harry had to endanger himself or even how Harry was feeling as one by one, the number of his close friends dwindled.

Hermione rested her head on her hand, trying to think of happy memories she had shared with Harry. Their triumphs against Voldemort, his Quidditch wins and various other events that, at the time, seemed so important.

Her mind flashed back to when they were trying to get to the Philosopher's Stone. They had shared their first hug and he had smiled at her. Her heart seemed to stop beating as it always did when he smiled.

He had had a great smile. Nice white teeth, fairly straight, and luscious lips that she had waited to kiss. But she had waited too long.

He didn't smile as much as one should near the end. He didn't really frown either. He barely seemed to live anymore in her eyes.

God, she missed him.

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And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven

Like so many friends we've lost along the way

And I know eventually we'll be together

One sweet day

Of course, she couldn't just forget about Ron. Ron had basically always stood by her side as well but he wasn't nearly as close to her as Harry was. He argued with her too much and soon became depressed, even more so than Harry.

After Cedric, whom neither Harry nor Hermione knew very well, had died, Hagrid was next. Harry, Ron and even Hermione weren't the happy trio that they used to be, running around and solving the mysteries around the school. Hermione turned more so to her books, Harry had turned to being the hero, more so than usual and, ever so slowly, Ron had turned from the both of them.

That was when Ginny had died.

Ron didn't know what to do anymore. The Weasleys were heart broken and Harry and Hermione were very sympathetic. Deep down, she knew Harry blamed himself, thought the Weasleys blamed him. He had voiced this concern to Ron who then agreed, much to Hermione's disgust – he did blame him.

Harry was crying even before Ron was halfway through his screaming and as soon as Ron had stormed out of the common room, Harry had run to his dormitory.

That was when Ron had died.

That was when Harry cracked.

Voldemort must've known he'd hit a nerve because he lay off for a while, letting Harry wallow in his own misery. Hermione wasn't surprised when he had turned to her. He clung to her. He didn't want to lose her like he had lost Ron, he had said and she didn't want to lose him either.

But in the end, she had. 

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Darling, I never showed you

Assumed you'd always be there

I took your presence for granted

But I always cared

And I miss the love we shared

In the days that followed his death, Hermione wished she'd tried to hold onto Divination, as much as she hated it. Not because she wanted to see how Harry had died. No, she wanted the Time Turner. She wanted to go back as far as when Cedric had died, to save Harry from his fate.

To save him from his own emotions.

But things had gone too far, she couldn't simply rewind everything just because she wasn't happy how things had turned out.

No, she only had herself to blame.

Harry couldn't wait around for her forever and she knew that, somewhere in the back of her mind but she was so afraid, afraid of losing the best friend she'd ever had. Afraid of losing someone as dear to her as Harry.

Now he was gone, she missed him so much. Her heart ached to think of the way things could've turned out if she'd just made her confession. She knew this was worse than if she had told him. At least, if she had told him, they might've had a chance but now, she couldn't even have the chance.

Now… now he was gone.

She looked upwards, towards the sky. The weather seemed to agree with how she was feeling. The heavens opened and the rain soon soaked through her clothing. Even though she was cold, wet and crying, she smiled.

Maybe it was a sign.

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven

Like so many friends we've lost along the way

And I know eventually we'll be together

One sweet day

Hermione crawled into bed that night, her last night at Hogwarts, with a resolve. When she awoke the next morning, she was going to visit Harry in his grave.

She hadn't even attended his funeral. She was too upset to go. But now… she owed it to him. To finally tell him how she felt.

She lay her head against the pillow before she quickly got up again and rummaged around in her drawer. Finally she pulled out a leather-bound book.

Her photo album.

She spent at least two hours looking at the pictures, laughing, crying, smiling at the memories. And then she reached her last picture.

It was Harry and she on Christmas. His last Christmas. He had only enjoyed Christmas with her and Ron, that was certain. And now that she was without then, she had decided the same thing.

She finally put the album away and settled down in bed. Her scarlet curtains blew with the light breeze that flowed through the room and softly, ever so softly, she whispered, "I hope you're happy, Harry, wherever you are."

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Although the sun will never shine the same

I'll always look to a brighter day

Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep

You will always listen as I pray

Hermione walked through the street. Her first day as a graduate of Hogwarts. She headed towards the Potter Monument in the middle of the cemetery. There it was.

Harry, carved out in stone, was smiling down on her. With a sword in one hand and his wand in the other, they pointed to his headstone.

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Here lies Harry James Potter

31st July 1980 – 23rd June 1997

The Boy Who Lived

died to let the rest of us live

Grass was starting to grow where he had been buried. Had it really been that long?

She knelt down and leaned three lilies on his headstone. They were his favourite flower and there was no question why. She sighed heavily.

"Hey, Harry." she whispered. "Long time no see. I don't think that's the way I should start but… I don't know what to say. I had it all planned last night while I was flipping through that photo album you gave me but, now that I'm here, I'm not quite sure if I want to say it.

"God, Harry, Ron, you and I, ever the trio. I don't think we caused as much trouble as Fred and George or the Marauders but we certainly had the teachers in a flap every now and again. I suppose I could blame it on you but it's not really your fault. I agreed to it. Plus, I think you blamed yourself enough as it was. I'm not going to anymore, especially now that your… your…" she stopped and wiped the tears away.

"Anyway, I didn't just come here to babble or to make up for when I couldn't come to your funeral. I have to tell you something and it makes things harder that I'm not sure whether you're listening or not. I can't see how you would react because I honestly don't know. Besides saving everyone's butts and playing Quidditch, there was something else you were pretty good at and that's hiding your emotions."

She stopped again. A light draught of air blew around her. It was warm and seemed to envelope her, like a hug. She smiled.

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And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven

Like so many friends we've lost along the way

And I know eventually we'll be together

One sweet day

She continued. "I suppose I should start at the beginning. Well, the sort of beginning. You remember when we were younger and hormones and stuff hadn't taken over our bodies yet, Parvati and Lavender had warned me not to get too attached to you and Ron because one day, I'd have to let you go. You'd find girls and run off and get married and perhaps I'd meet a guy and do the same. But I ignored them. You remember, ditzy sort of girls. I thought they were wrong, as per usual. But, for once, they were right.

First, I was pretty attached to Ron. I don't know whether you could tell but I was. We argued so much, it seemed like a simple case of opposites attract but as soon as I thought I was falling in love with him, I realised that wasn't the case. I realised it was a case of denial.

I was denying the fact that I was desperately in love with somebody else, somebody I really couldn't have expected. You know, I didn't realise until it was our fifth year. It took that long and I still couldn't admit to it. Even after all those childish games of Truth or Dare with the girls couldn't bring me to say it but I realised as soon as it seemed you had fallen in love.

I hated Cho for that simple reason. She didn't want you, she didn't love you but she pretended anyway, played with your heart. Unrequited love for you was hard enough, but to watch you love someone who didn't deserve you, that felt like the Cruciatus Curse to me. When she finally came clean, you ran to me and I realised. When Hagrid died you ran again and I was certain. I had fallen in love with my best friend in the whole world.

"Needless to say, I wasn't too happy with the prospect but as we grew up, you never had another girl and I thought I'd b in with a chance but then Voldemort came back and I didn't want to distract you. Ginny died, Ron died and still, I never said anything. Then I waited too long, Harry." tears began to pour silently down her face.

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And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven

Like so many friends we've lost along the way

And I know eventually we'll be together

One sweet day

"Even when you were gone and you were in my arms, I couldn't say it. How I belonged in Gryffindor is beyond me. People sometimes say that 'sorry' is the hardest word to say. To admit that you're wrong and to apologise and mean it. That's what people seem to think is the hardest thing to do. But I can think of one more thing.

"It's not a single word, but it has only one meaning if you mean it. It's sort of like giving your soul away. You can't take it back. What's done is done. I can roll 'sorry' off the tongue easily enough and I'm finally going to tell you what I came here for." she inhaled deeply.

"I'm sorry that I never told you, Harry. I wasn't honest and maybe if I had said these things to you when you were here with me, it would've made a difference. I don't know and I never will because I was scared but I'm not anymore. I love you, Harry. I did and I still do. I think I always will and I'm sorry I never said it." she stared up at his sculpture, smiling down gently on her.

"I love you, Harry." she whispered. She stood up to leave. She turned around and looked at Harry's smiling face one more time.

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Sorry I never told you

All I wanted to say

Then she heard it. Softly, just as soft and warm as the wind, she heard it. Her heart warmed and she smiled through her tears.

"I love you, too."

~*~

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A/N: Okay, was it okay? I cried while writing it so I hope it's good enough. I hope the last bit didn't wreck the story but I wanted Hermione to have some closure, you know, knowing that Harry heard her. Anyway, please review, I'll love you forever. For all those people who go through the same thing as Hermione went through, just get up the nerve, you can't lose what you never had.

Le gra go deo,

Cindy


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